I know i should be clearing off my important backlogs right now instead of typing this, but felt that i needed to get this off my shoulders. Learned something today that left me feeling bum for no reason, thought i already mentally prepared myself for this news but somehow felt like i was caught off guard. Having no expectations was the best way to not get disappointed, guess it did somehow managed to RUB on to me when everyone around me kept telling me that i was carrying a boy from the shape of my belly protruding out according to "they say" (old wives la) though i couldn't confirm it till today.
Guess they were all wrong after all lol if not why would i pay my obgyn RM100+ monthly for check ups to ask about my baby's health and gender lel, if that expensive machine couldn't read the gender much earlier what makes you think "predicting" is going to be accurate?
Tried so hard to not get my hopes so high, but in the end it's human nature to let what others say influence their thoughts even without realizing *sigh*.
So...? Feeling like a failure?
Pretty much..not sure why i am beating myself up over this when it's scientifically proven that i have no control over the outcome of the gender as that's determined by the X or Y sperm that fertilizes the egg and eggs produced by women are confirm an "X". If it sounds confusing for you non biology students (i wasn't too, but at least i had interest in it lol) i'm talking about your Malaysian highschool science textbook chapter 3- Reproduction system.
So scientifically and technically, men are to blame for their undesired gender of their offsprings lel.
Looking from a different (or positive) perspective, i'm glad he left me as well if not this would have been such a disappointment for a traditional Chinese family (his side) especially. Such a pity.
Especially when "males" are desired over females, that also explains why my parents tried till they ended up with 5 kids and 1 of it was a boy while the other 4 were girls which we took the liberty to label ourselves as "mistakes".
Seems to run in my family history though, not sure it's pure coincidence or what because my mom's side of the family has also 4 girls before their last was a son (my uncle). Sometimes we just can control how nature works unless of course you have the budget to implant specific chromosomes to fix the gender of the child you want lel. Rich people with too much money to burn.
It's just the Asian mentality, not something we can change overnight but that's one of the things that made me scared to commit to relationships in the first place. In relationships with traditional Chinese people, there's always somewhat the (unintentional) pressure for the girl their son is dating (assumed to be married to as well) to produce male offsprings in the future. Doesn't the thought of that scare you off as a girl?
Because hell it sure did for me, knowing myself who's nothing but disappointments and you can even ask my parents, I've failed them so many times and i don't think i am able to take that kind of pressure especially if it's not something i can control but still end up getting blamed for (wtf). Asians are such a sad bunch to be really honest.
Why does society see girls as worthless?
Just because sons carries on the name to the next generation and so forth but without females where are they going to get children to carry on the family name right? It has always been an unspoken family starting requirement to have at least a son, if no girls even better as that's been practiced in China since the early ages when they decreed a stupid law limiting the amount of children each couple should have and as a result they rather kill/ sell off their daughters and keep the sons instead. But thank goodness that stupid law doesn't apply to the rest of the world but somehow males are always good news especially in Asian culture. I've seen couples walking out of the consultation rooms with such disappointed faces upon learning their baby's gender, it isn't something "they want", but take a step back and think, we can never always have what we want. That's a fact, no matter how much pressure we feel that society is pressing unto us, we can't control certain things but instead we should just learn to embrace it.
So many things are easier said than done, still trying to digest the surprise news which have yet to sink in properly. Well, more reasons for your father NOT to want you and no one from his side of the family can take you away from me afterwards because you are a girl and girls are worthless to Cina people lol.
Guess we can finally live a quiet and content life somewhere away from here once you are abit more older and mommy's working hard so that we can eventually get out of this useless country as well. Wouldn't want your brain to be messed up with our trash education system, worst come to worst home schooled would be my last resort. Well, doesn't matter anymore if you are a boy or girl because to me you're my child and to carry you for 9 months straight isn't an easy task, also requiring me to sacrifice my entire life just to be crushed over something ridiculous like the "gender" news, life ain't gonna stop there so all that matters is that you are healthy as a whole being.
Please forgive me for being so shallow, i did tried my best not to be but guess I've let the typical Asian part get the best of me.
Sorry my lil parasite :(
I'll make sure to teach you how to sew so we can wear matching outfits when we go out one day k?
Initially when i thought you were a boy, i could bring you up better and not end up like your scumbag a**hole father but now since you are a girl, my only lesson to you is how not to let your guard down with men, they are just liars by nature. No girl deserves to get left with her heart broken in a million pieces and told off like she's just some trash on the ground like how your mom experienced it.
Now i have to think of a girl's name for you.. that's gonna be a challenge lol and mommy has to put up with a cranky period teenage daughter in 12 years time *cry*.
Needed to take my mind off of this for awhile so i gave this sample lotion from OceanLab i've gotten a test since it states "5.5 sec whitening" (i'm a sucker for whitening stuff like MJ). Looks rather promising for something so small, but also abit dodgy la because of the sample plastic packaging which makes one think twice before using it because worried of the irritation risks.
OceanLab Pearl Whitening Body Cream Test
It does works and almost instant results too, not sure what kind of sorcery is this but it's pretty cool especially if you got an unwanted tan that needs covering, you can use this lotion.
So far no irritation towards my sensitive skin, and it is rather addictive to apply everyday and see the immediate whitening since my dream is to be "snow white", just kidding lol.
You know what they say about receiving random gifts from strangers lol!
Did my own research and found that this brand is sold on Lazada and HiShop in one size of 180g which is double the size of the bottle i am holding since mine is only 90g.
1) 5.5 Seconds Whitening.
2) Skin firming & Elasticity (Anti-aging)
3) First stem cell for facial whitening. Increase cell rebirth function.
5) Provides Smooth skin
6) Reduces stretchmarks
But damn..this stuff is good, it's not applying foundation on your skin like how cosplayers do to achieve fair or tan skins as i tried washing (actually scrubbing) this off but my skin still remained fair till the next day. The effects of the fairness isn't permanent but prolong usage should solve that problem easily.
So cosplayers, if you are looking for effective and safe skin whitening product, you can consider getting this brand from HiShop
Currently testing this out on my scars as i don't have any stretch marks yet (please don't lol), will update you guys if the scars do fade away and if it's any better than Bio Oil.