This is the year i am not particularly fond off, it might be an amazing year for some of you like my dear friend Sheena Liam from ASNTM 2 who is now taking the London Runway by storm, couldn't be more happier for her achievements :)
But aside from that thinking back for my side, i personally think i have not achieve much AT ALL. Really..i could have done many things within 12 months but all i did was worry about my weight which is rather stupid of me but that is something i can't help as a recovering anorexia patient, everyday i beat myself up over not being able to go back to 35kg (my lowest weight ever) that was achieved back in May 2013.
To many it might seem a little bit too extreme, but yea what do you guys even know about people like us with a mental illness that is not curable by medication.
Like my recent bill for just a couple weeks supply of meds already costs me nearly RM800 (throat slitting) but i can't stop it as much as i want to. Trust me, I've tried going cold turkey over the past months in 2014 and those relapses aren't pretty. Many times i broke down, thinking that maybe it's time to just give up living because what is life when you constantly having to rely on meds to get through the day?
No more denials, Anorexia is part of me. I have learnt to accept that and by taking it away from me it's like asking me to kill myself.
People might see my current condition as a problem, we won't be able to lead normal healthy lives in fact i can prove them all wrong aside from the malnutrition side.
I have learnt to be a more observant on foods i am consuming, also that even when we avoid eating out but cook from home with process meats, canned food it just isn't any better. Yes to society eating home saves money, but that doesn't save you on your health department on the long run.
Call me paranoid about the food i eat, but deal with it. I don't feed my body with any kind of junk, on the bright side i have discovered how to make apple sauce, jams, yoghurt and tomato purée from a scratch without any preservatives, well that's a at least some achievement i guess? Lol.
2014 marks the most devastating year for our country loosing 3 planes (MH370, MH17, QZ8501 - may god rest their souls) in a span of a year, plus the worst floods ever recorded in history currently ongoing but glad to know instead of blaming politics, pointing fingers at least we as a fellow Malaysian citizens are contributing to the cause no matter how big or small.
Yes, honestly i am such a negative person (also a pessimist) usually i would say cut the bullshit and leave me alone but remembering the promise i have made back at the Loy Krathong Festival in ChiangMai. I will try my best to look at things a little more brighter and let go of all those things that has been holding me back so i can finally move on with my life :-)
So i am gonna list out the few things i've learnt & achieve throughout 2014
1. Getting your Priorities straight
Whether as a student or an adult we usually get lost in things we want to do, forgetting what needs to be done first. Yes, as much as i love cosplay i still have to live my life by doing other things i like instead of slaving behind the sewing machine so that i can have a new costume to shoot every weekend. That's not living, it just not worth it.
2. Travelling Overseas
Yes, my first overseas trip, that i felt excited and anxious at the same time as i have never travelled to a foreign country before, let alone on a plane! This certainly has opened my eyes and made me more alert with my surroundings, not to mention also learnt alot of travel tips from my kor kor Baki. To calm down and not panic so much as every problem can be solved no matter how big or small there is always a solution. Love you so much kor kor Baki *hugs*
Definitely won't be my last, in fact i am so ready to travel out there an do silly things before i hit a certain age :-P
3. Let Idiots Go
This is huge step for me as it's hart to pin point the idiots in your life, some might be obvious but there are some hiding in the corner manipulating your life in certain ways.
Like an article i read on Elite Daily, that says "removing toxic people" from your life, you can totally feel an unwanted burden lifted.
4. Opportunity Comes & Go For a Reason
That is something beyond our control no matter how much we want the favours to be in our odds. But when one door closes another opens (not immediately but eventually) PATIENCE & PERSEVERANCE is the key. Do not discount yourself just because you didn't get the dream job you applied for, remember to always have faith in yourself. This is something あなた has taught me, which i am grateful for having あなた in my life.
5. Count your Blessings
No matter how big or small, i would sincerely like to thank all the job opportunities i had in the past year. It has really gave me so much exposure and experience of being in the industry, you guys know who you are. And hopefully our paths may cross again sometime soon : )
Will continue to improve myself too!
Happy Blessed New Year Everyone!
May it be another fruitful year for all of you.
P/S: sorry for the long lengthy post lol :-P