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Oh the attention i'm getting! Stop it ya'll *blush*  Can't believe i'm actually sharing this post but yeah..think dee...

Miserable.

Don't worry it's not a long whiny self pitying post lol, more like a confession.

Just want to say that I sincerely do miss alot of food, this proves that no matter how much I get used to eating like a westerner, my Malaysian taste buds always craves for a good local cuisine :'(
Everyone asks me : 
"Why torture yourself? You are not modelling anymore, so you don't have to be skinny mah!"

I know that and I don't need to be reminded by every single person I come across :-( 
The brain is something we shouldn't toy with in the first place especially for those who are weak minded and easily influenced by words. We ourselves definitely won't admit that (lol normal human nature, we always deny judgmental comments) by the time we realized that we are actually having a problem, it's too late to fix it.

I do too blame myself for easily letting one person's words scarred my confidence. Imagine this, it only takes 1 person to bring me down to the gutter, how am i suppose to face a thousand criticism? Stupid me. I'm not proud of my achievement because it has brought me nothing but unhappiness, it stripped away everything that was important to me. 
Everything is easily said than done :-/ 

I'm so damaged beyond salvage..What's left of this body is just an empty shell.
I hate myself for that.

"My obsession became my drug." 

The only thing that is motivating me to recover are the people around me who truly understands my situation and not judge me by my looks.
Yea, I'm not starving myself so quit telling me to eat when I've already eaten. I've left that starvation phrase long time ago, I've also overcome my bulimia problem..Now what is left is healing my scarred confidence. I do eat, so I wish everyone I meet would quit telling me to stuff my face like what Malaysians usually do (overeat & unhealthy fried food). 

This is how the stupid world works.. everyone judges each other not by their story but by their looks, just leave us alone. We already have been judged very badly by society and to make things worse these people whom you call "friends" are just adding more salt to the wound with their judgemental remarks.

Makes me want to die in so many ways.
Thank god for antidepressants.

I do not want you guys to remember me as a sickly looking anorexic girl but a once happy Cosplayer named 
"Arisa"


Sorry..needed a personal space to pour everything out..
I'm really trying my best to recover but everything takes time to heal. Miracles don't happen overnight unless you are God himself =_=





XOXO,

CONVERSATION

16 comments :

chow yin yin said...

hey gal....although i dunno much bout u....but i really could feel d inner depressed feel of u towards those words around u....will pray for u..God bless!^^

-yinyin

Arisa Chow said...

Thanks for the encouraging words dear :)God bless you too!

Seah Jo Ling said...

I am not sure if this is the right thing to say but "Time heals everything!" :)
You will overcome this in no time! :D
Gambatte!

Isabel said...

I know how you feel.. Skinny or fat, you're still you. Eat whatever you want, whenever you want, as long as you're happy =)

IRTeA said...

*Hugs Arisa* Yes you are still the cute cosplayer Arisa-chan ToT
Ganbatte in everything, Cubex and I still loves you for who you are, and always try to support you all the way from Sabah ;w;

HenRy LeE said...

this post macam death letter...isk... dont bother about what ppl said about u. BE HAPPY! :)

User said...

GANBATTE ARISA!!!! ;_;
I go KL this year! hope to see you again in CF. Sorry last year cant go coz marriage.
I still keep your magnetic coscard in my cafe!
Im gonna meet Abang Linkin, Steno and cute Hangmen too.
maybe can yamcha together in KL XD hehe

Sarah Chow said...

remember you are always loved.


love, da jie :)

illy ariffin said...

Stay strong :)

chikonz said...

it's sad for me to see u in this way. please ignore all the bad comments from others about yourself. they're don't have the right to judge or criticize your life. u are way more better than them. u should enjoy all the food that u want and run your life the way u always want. eat all the food that u want. eat more healthy & nutrient food and always be positive on all your act. i believe u can do it. first of all, be more confident. i will always be here to help u. i wish all the best & happiness to u. hope someday i will bumped into u, seeing u in good health, with a pure & true happy smile on your face [^_<]v

Caroline Ng May Ling said...

Don't bother them! I also often asked by many of people around me and worst people i called as friends - why u so skinny one? never eat ah? Although they often meet me and see how i eat, a lot more than them. =_=

Anne Cherryanne said...

Dear Arisa,

You might not know me, but I have known you ever since a pm message that you send me in CF forum. Telling me that I was about to buy from a bad buyer. I know you from Blue Rose then as a cosplayer who cosed Diva from Blood+. I think you are really really beautiful. It shocked me when I saw you lost your weight but to see your overcame and now having a healthy life style. Makes me envy your strength and determination. You are beautiful no matter what others may say. You are always loved, and I never forget how you saved a newbie cosplayer like me two years ago. I want to say thank you and god bless you.

Love, Cherryanne. >////<
Hoping to see more of your cosplays and seeing you in events!~ :)

Taylie Teo said...

Maybe you should seek for professional help instead. Being aneroxic is not something you could solve by eating more or less. You tortured your body and now your body has recognise the system of not gaining weight though you stopped to do so. I am speaking as someone who has eating disorder too and i do understand what you are going through.

Nadia said...

Dear Arisa, you're beautiful no matter what other people say. Don't bother about other people judgmental comments or sarcasm. Keep calm, Stay strong. We readers/ friends are all here to support you all the way... Jia You... Aja aja fighting...

Jessying said...

You can go through this, stay strong!

Chamo Mile said...

Be strong Arisa..

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